INSIDE:

NEWS/STORIES/ARTICLES
Book Reviews
Columns/Opinion/Cartoon
Films
International
National
NW/Local
Recipes
Special A.C.E. Stories
Online Paper (PDF)

NW RESOURCE GUIDE
Archives
Consulates
NW Job Market
Organizations
Scholarships
Special Sections

Upcoming

The Asian Reporter Thirteenth Annual Scholarship & Awards Banquet -
April, 2011

May, 2011

Asian Reporter Info

About Us

Advertising Info.

AR Merchandise
Contact Us
Subscription Info. & Back Issues

ASIA LINKS
Asian Studies
Currency Exchange
More Asian Links
Public Holidays
Time Zones


Copyright © 2000 - 2010
AR Home

My Turn by Wayne Chan

 The Chan family in 2004 (top photo) and 2008.

From The Asian Reporter, V19, #22 (June 9, 2009), page 6 & 7.

I was beginning to lose my breath. Standing behind the tripod, centering my family in the camera’s viewfinder, and running back into the picture before the timer ran down to snap a photo ought to be easy enough. It becomes more of a challenge when the subjects of the picture include your six-year-old triplets who have no intention to sit still, smile, and look into the camera for a family portrait. Add to the fact that two of our triplets are autistic and it’s no wonder why we were on our 27th take.

It might as well have been our 270th take. The very nature of autism — a developmental disorder that begins in early childhood and robs those afflicted of the ability to socially interact with those around them — makes it difficult for them to maintain eye contact with others, much less a camera lens.

Of course I never expected I would manage to snap the perfect Polaroid moment. As with years past, my goal was to snap enough pictures to individually catch each of the children smiling at the camera so I could digitally cut and paste their faces together and artificially create the perfect family photo. I know the final picture isn’t going to be completely authentic, but at least I managed to draw a line in the sand when I objected to my wife’s request to "fix" her hair.

After so long struggling with and then adjusting to our children’s condition, you wonder why anyone would go to such great lengths to create this minor illusion. Having one more seemingly traditional family photo hanging on the wall certainly wouldn’t let us forget the reality of our lives. Sending the photo out to friends and family only serves to remind them how normal our children can look.

Perhaps the picture represents what a family can accomplish when it takes on a challenge. From the very beginning, my wife and I realized the only chance our kids had to live independently was if we could get them to overcome their own limitations.

One common trait of autistic children is an unwillingness to try anything different, whether food or an activity. We recognized this early when we noticed our kids would prefer to eat only grapes and milk for the rest of their lives. I once heard someone compare autism to a warden who keeps his subjects tucked away in an isolated cell, away from the rest of the world, providing only basic sustenance for their survival. Except with autism, there are no locks on the door as the inmates are perfectly content to serve out their life sentence.

At three years old, when we tried to transition our daughter Savannah into other drinks such as juice, lemonade, or even water, she absolutely refused all our attempts. Even force-feeding her water from a spill-proof cup would only cause her to hold the tablespoon of water in her mouth for hours at a time before ultimately spitting it on the floor.

We met with our pediatrician and she noted that even autistic children have a survival instinct. She suggested we withhold all milk until she was forced to drink something else just to quench her thirst. After three days of trying, we went back to the pediatrician because our daughter still had not relented and we were afraid she would pass out from sheer dehydration, although from all appearances she seemed fine.

It was only then that we figured out she was supplementing her liquid intake with just enough grapes to enable her to stave off our attempts to have her try something different.

From then on, we decided the only solution would be for us to be as stubborn as our children until they realized we would never give up. We started off slowly. Instead of letting them eat the red grapes they were used to, we gave them green grapes. I would cajole, demand, and sometimes force the food into their mouths and badger them incessantly to swallow it. Even in restaurants, I would not make an exception, though we often received some very unsympathetic stares from other customers as I was hovering around my screaming child who did not want to try a carrot.

Success came slowly, but gradually. They were equally resistant to vegetables as they were to cake and ice cream. After several weeks, they began to tolerate the new foods and their objections slowly became less and less vocal.

After three years of this, our kids now eat just about everything — and enjoy it. My son Ethan eats peas, carrots, and apples — and loves soup. Savannah is crazy about tofu, melons, and oranges, although she’s still not that wild on ice cream.

My wife and I are now disciplined enough to apply our version of "tough love" to nearly every aspect of their lives, whether we are trying to get them to speak, read, and write, dress themselves, brush their teeth, or use the bathroom. Every improvement still begins with a struggle, but much less so as they know mom and dad just aren’t going to give up.

I know our approach may seem extreme to some, and we still have a long way to go. But for the first time, I often catch a glimpse of my son or daughter with a smile on their face after discovering something new and exciting for the very first time. The cell door is still unlocked, but for the first time, they’d actually like to open it.