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My Turn
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From The Asian Reporter, V29, #01 (January 7, 2019), page 6.
Give me liberty or give me beef satay!
File this one under "Non-earth-shattering news."
I’m headed home after a two-week journey to Hong Kong, Taipei, and Phuket. It’s been a great trip! I was able to visit with friends and family and sample food from different parts of the globe.
But there’s something I’ve often wondered about since starting the trip. Actually, it’s something I have always thought about when travelling to these countries.
Why do they have such awful English signage?
Now, before you start writing letters complaining that I’m a typical ugly American who thinks the world revolves around us, please give me a chance.
What I’m talking about isn’t your typical translated English rushed out to explain something to my fellow clueless Americans. What I’m talking about is major business signage. Allow me to give you some examples.
"Wooderful Life" — This sign is on a boutique in Taiwan that sells trinkets and wooden music boxes.
"What Do You Fab" — This one is for another gift store in Taiwan. It carries no products remotely resembling The Beatles.
"Meat Liberty" — I found this restaurant in Bangkok.
"DIKE" — This is a speaker company. I kid you not.
"Funkpeanuts Coffee" — Well … It’s a coffee house.
"F.A.T." — Far Eastern Air Transport. Yes, an airline.
"Gift Shop: We considerate more for you!" — I don’t really remember the place, but my guess is that it is a gift shop.
In each of these cases, the business owner came up with the name then presumably decided to spend thousands of dollars on professional signage above their store, in print ads, and on all of their stationary. They are not translated signs of a business named in their own language. They are the actual names of the stores. Apparently when they were brainstorming to think of an English name, nobody thought, "Hmm, maybe we ought to run this past a native English speaker."
But hey, what do I know? There are plenty of western businesses that, at first glance, seem nonsensical. I still don’t know what a "Starbucks" is supposed to represent. Maybe in the next couple years we’ll all be saying "Let’s grab a cup of coffee at Funky P’s and talk about it."
Maybe there’s some historic reference in Thailand related to protein and freedom. "Give me liberty or give me beef satay!" I admit it, I’m clueless.
The real reason I’ve been wondering about all this is that if I were starting a business in the U.S. and decided to think of a Chinese name, based on my Chinese speaking abilities, you better believe I’d take a moment and send a copy to a friend or colleague and ask, "Does this make sense?"
Why? Because I know right now what would happen if I didn’t. It would look something like this (Chinese translated into English, of course):
"Round Dough Smashed in Face with Fresh Wind" — I’ve always wanted to start an artisan pizza place. And who doesn’t like the smell or oregano?
"Foot Wrapped with Fresh Wind" — A shoe store where all the shoes are pre-scented with lavender. Who wouldn’t like that?
"Puncture Hole Dough" — We can always use more donut shops, am I right?
Actually, I think I’m starting to get the hang of this. Look out world! Freshly Wind, LLC, here I come!
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