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My Turn
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Pictured is a typical paper placemat with the 12 animals of the lunar zodiac found in Asian restaurants. (AR Photo)
From The Asian Reporter, V33, #1 (January 2, 2023), page 16.
First of all, I don’t even like carrots
By Wayne Chan
The Asian Reporter
I have been living a lie.
I’m not who I thought I was. Apparently, everything
I knew about myself is now in question.
It wasn’t intentional. I would have been fine if I had never found out the truth about my identity. But somehow, someway, I’m gonna have to live with myself.
You see, I am not a Dragon.
I’m reminded every Lunar New Year, which this year begins January 22. In 2023, we are celebrating the Year of the Rabbit.
For years, actually decades, I had the firm belief I was born in the Year of the Dragon. Why would I think this? Well, when I was a kid, there was no internet. Most people learned information at school, or if they wanted to find out something specific, they read an encyclopedia.
Fortunately for me, I was reminded that I was born in the Year of the Dragon every time my parents took me to their favorite Chinese restaurant.
When we sat down at our favorite booth, it was right there on the table in front of us — a paper placemat with red lettering listing various birth years and how one’s birth year correlated to an animal in the lunar zodiac.
Looking at the year I was born, it was as plain as day. I was born in the Year of the Dragon.
I was a Dragon, and this was way before the series "Game of Thrones" made them a cool thing.
And who wouldn’t want to be a Dragon? Now that the internet is accessible nearly everywhere, it’s easy to expand on the characteristics of the Dragon. The Dragon is "the most vital and powerful beast in the Chinese zodiac." Also, below are characteristics of people born in the Year of the Dragon. (I couldn’t help comparing them to my own personality.)
Dragons have:
1. Innate courage. OK … me.
2. Tenacity. Yup, me again. Keep going.
3. Intelligence. OK, now I’m starting to blush. Stop it!
With all of my natural, inherent intelligence, I set out to learn more about Dragons and the lunar zodiac.
It turns out that with each new year, the celebration of each animal is also a time when that animal is at its most robust and virile. And since my birthday is in early February, not only was I a Dragon, but a Dragon at the top of its game. A truly beautiful and magnificent creature.
Please, please, stop with the compliments. Yes, I’m a powerful, magnificent Dragon at the height of my powers, but I’m just like everyone else — just stronger and more magnificent.
This is what I believed for decades, and to say the least, I was perfectly fine with it.
Until.
Until I got married.
I remember it vividly. My beautiful wife Maya and I went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant, As if right on cue, there was the usual lunar zodiac placemat. It was time for me to regale my wife with my life story and how lucky she was to be married to a courageous, virile, and brilliant Dragon. I pointed at my year of birth and proudly exclaimed, "Yup, I’m a Dragon."
Then Maya picked up her smartphone. After a little research, she said, "Wait, you were born on February 6, and that year, the lunar new year began on February 13.
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?" I said.
You’re not a Dragon. You were born seven days before the new year that year. That means, you’re … a Rabbit!
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?" I said. Again.
A Rabbit? How can I be a Rabbit? I was a strong, virile, courageous Dragon just two minutes ago!
What makes it worse, is that if I really was born at the tail end of the Rabbit Year, I’m not even a strong, energetic Rabbit. I’m basically a Rabbit at the end of its rope. I’m a Rabbit on its deathbed. I’m a bunny on life support!
In shock and in a panic, I looked up the characteristics of the Rabbit. It turns out that people born in the Year of the Rabbit have soft and tender personality traits. Well, of course they’re soft and tender! You’re a Rabbit! You’d be soft and tender too if you were a Rabbit on its deathbed on life support!
My whole life is in question. I love my wife, but she cannot be right. I need a second opinion.
Anyone know a reliable lunar zodiac specialist?
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