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My Turn
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From The Asian Reporter, V33, #3 (March 6 2023), page 7.
A word about that Chinese balloon
Every Tuesday, I play tennis. At my age, my definition of "tennis" is a bunch of 50- and 60-year-old guys complaining about their current ailments and how much pain they’re in while playing a couple sets.
After tennis, we go to the club sports bar, drink a few beers, and expand on our ever-growing list of strained muscles and aching joints.
I know it doesn’t sound like that much fun, but ya gotta be there.
On this particular Tuesday night, beyond describing the latest slipped disk or pulled groin muscle, we started talking about the Chinese balloon that floated across the country.
During the discussion, maybe because I’m the only Asian guy in our group, one of my tennis buddies turns to me and asks, very earnestly, "Wayne, what do you think is going on with that balloon?"
I could give him the benefit of the doubt and consider the fact that he might know I’ve travelled to China on business many, many times, or maybe he assumes I may have family there who have connections. But honestly, I think he asked because, as I mentioned before, I was the only Asian there.
Before I could even think of a clever reply, another one of my buddies (who is also not Asian), chimes in and says, "What are you asking Wayne for? What makes you think he knows anything? He’s just as clueless as the rest of us!"
I’ve never appreciated getting a backhanded compliment as much as that one.
From the scant information released at the time, the balloon was about 200 feet tall, was carrying a payload of more than three busloads, and had propellers that could move it in various directions.
Based on my calculated guess, I had narrowed it down to two things — it was either a surveillance balloon or someone decided to pay for the world’s most expensive floating RV caravan.
In all seriousness, though, my friend was right — I was completely clueless when it came to this balloon.
Still, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have a little fun with the guys at the next tennis night. Something like this:
OK, fellas, I checked with my sources. I know what the Chinese are up to. I know it looks like a 200-foot-tall balloon, but the truth is, it’s not really a balloon.
If the thing hadn’t been shot down, April Fools’ Day would have been when its purpose was revealed. It wasn’t a balloon. It was a giant egg. And for those of you who have a backyard pool, you’re just lucky you weren’t the target of this elaborate April Fools’ joke.
You would have been known as the victim of the world’s largest egg drop soup.
I wonder how many cartons of MSG they would have had to drop to get it just right.
Humor writer Wayne Chan lives in the San Diego area;
cartoonist Wayne Chan is based in the Bay Area.
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Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the
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