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From The Asian Reporter, V33, #5 (May 1, 2023), page 6.
To pho or not to pho, that is the question
Sushi without the rice? Dumplings without a wrapper? Noodle soup without the noodle?
This has been my latest conundrum.
How does someone who loves Asian food maintain a low-carb diet?
Sure, when eating at home, it’s manageable. I can cook fish or make vegetables. But when I go out? It’s not as easy.
Recently after working up a sweat playing tennis, a few of my tennis buddies decided to go out for pho. Knowing what I was getting into at a Vietnamese pho establishment, I prepared myself for some tough choices.
Eating at a pho restaurant while on a low-carb diet is like someone who is allergic to cheese eating at a pizza place — It’s a nearly impossible task.
The egg rolls are a no-go. The wrapper has carbs and so do the vermicelli noodles inside. I could go for the grilled lemongrass pork chops … but it’s sitting on a bed of rice.
Well, why not just eat the pork chops and ignore the rice? Ignore the rice? BECAUSE I LOVE THE RICE! THAT’S THE PROBLEM!
I admit it. I have no self-control. If it’s a carb and it’s on my plate, that plate will be clean when I leave the table. I would love to be able to signal to everyone that it would be wasteful to not eat the rice when so many people are hungry all over the world. Honestly, though, it’s not like if I left rice on my plate that some logistics company would pack it up and rush it over to Bangladesh or something.
So what did I end up eating? I ordered a bowl of pho noodle soup without the pho. It was a pho-less pho noodle soup. The server looked at me for an uncomfortably long moment as if to truly contemplate what I was trying to order.
It reminds me of the time I asked a server in a Chinese restaurant to not include any MSG on a particular dish. For some people, eating a dish with MSG leaves them with a headache or a sore back. I asked them not to put any MSG on the dish and double confirmed it with him. And he assured me they wouldn’t.
After the dish arrived and we started enjoying it, a familiar twinge on the back of my neck immediately started.
I asked our server, "I thought we asked you not to put any MSG in this dish?!?" He said, "We added very little! We have to give it some flavor!"
So, you might ask, "How was the pho-less pho noodle soup?" Good question.
To be honest, it was still very good! It would have been a lot better if it actually had pho in it, but what can I say. It was hot, tasty, and I still really enjoyed it.
After eating it, I did get a little twinge on the back of my neck, but come on! You think I’m going to ask them to not put pho in the pho and ask them to remove any flavor from it, too?
I’m going to a pancake house tomorrow. Wish me luck.
Humor writer Wayne Chan lives in the San Diego area;
cartoonist Wayne Chan is based in the Bay Area.
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