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My Turn by Wayne Chan

From The Asian Reporter, V34, #2 (February 5, 2024), page 12.

By Wayne Chan

The Asian Reporter

I have a confession. I have been living a lie.

This doesn’t come easy for me. Actually, it started out very innocently. As a matter of fact, it began when I was a child at my family’s favorite Chinese restaurant.

Allow me to start from the very beginning.

We’re heading into Lunar New Year celebrations. It’s a season of honoring ancestors, holding family reunions, putting up festive décor, eating amazing food, lighting firecrackers, burning incense, and listening to lively music. And for each year, there is an animal in the zodiac that represents one’s birth. There are 12 animals in the zodiac, to be exact.

This year we welcome the Year of the Dragon.

I was well aware of this as a kid because whenever we ate at our favorite Chinese restaurant, there were paper place settings that listed birth years and the corresponding zodiac animal. And right there, as clear as day, it read "1964 — Year of the Dragon." Yup, I’m a DRAGON!

And who wouldn’t want to be a Dragon? According to the Chinese zodiac, which I’m a proud believer in, people who were born in the Year of the Dragon have these personality characteristics: confidence, imagination, creativity, and charisma. But honestly, that’s just all make-believe stuff, right? None of that really applies to me, does it? Let’s see.

Confidence — OK, me.

Imagination — Me again.

Creativity — Wow, this is getting scary.

Charisma — OK, now you’re just freaking me out!

What I also learned about the lunar zodiac from my parents is that if one is born near the beginning of the lunar year, they tend to have their most energetic, virile, and strong traits, and for those born later in the year, they are a weaker version of their animal. Therefore, not only am I a Dragon, but because I was born on February 6, which is pretty much the start of the Lunar New Year, I’m basically a Dragon on the level of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Think of what that knowledge did for my self-esteem. When I watched an episode of "Game of Thrones" and the Dragon appeared, I thought, "That’s kin!" And when watching the dinosaurs attack the scientists in Jurassic Park, I would kind of root for the dinosaurs (they’re like cousins!). Look, I’m proud of my heritage.

For a lot of my life, everything was fine and dandy ... until my wife Maya spoiled it.

We were talking recently about my upcoming big birthday — my 60th. One’s 60th birthday typically arrives during their lunar year — unless your birth month happens to fall in January or February.

Sometime after I was married, and after a little online research, Maya pointed out that yes, I born on February 6, but the year I was born, the lunar new year actually began on February 12.

"So, you aren’t a Dragon," she said. "You’re the animal before the Dragon. You’re … a Rabbit!"

To which I replied: "WHAT?!? I’m not a Rabbit! What are you talking about!?!"

According to the lunar zodiac, Rabbits are lucky, quiet, patient, and kind. Let me ask you this: How lucky are Rabbits if they’re constantly getting their feet cut off? Wasn’t so lucky for them, was it?!? And they’d have to be pretty patient since they can’t hop around anymore seeing as they have no feet!! Who came up with this stupid zodiac thing?

To make matters worse, not only am I not a Dragon, but seeing as how as I was born late in the Year of the Rabbit, I’m not even a very strong Rabbit. I’m basically a wheezing, enfeebled Rabbit on life support.

Does "Game of Thrones" even have a Rabbit?

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Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the
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