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My Turn by Dmae Lo Roberts

From The Asian Reporter, V34, #12 (December 2, 2024), page 6.

During the last year, my brother Jack has been coming over to our house three nights a week to have dinner with my husband and me. After dinner, we watch "Jeopardy." It’s something my husband and I have been doing since we first got married. We love playing along with the questions and trying to guess the answer. I was a little worried Jack might be bored. He never completed college and has had a learning disability along with OCD, for which he finally consented to get medical treatment. He never excelled in school and was also bullied from third grade through high school. This made him dislike and not trust education.

At first, Jack was hesitant to play along with "Jeopardy." Eventually, he responded to the interactivity of the quiz show and actually answered several questions each night. I’m impressed with his knowledge of astronomy, space, and aircraft. When he gets an answer correct, I compliment him. His confidence has grown.

I love these bonding moments. Jack and I have long been science fiction fans and we watch sci-fi TV shows after dinner. During our childhood, "Star Trek" gave us a little bit of hope during times of battling parents who often fought about our lack of money. Jack is my only remaining family member and I try to take care of him as best as I can.

On election night in November, I had him leave after we watched "Jeopardy." I was anxious about the results, and I didn’t want to get into a pointless argument with Jack, who I knew had voted for the other side. Four years earlier, I tried to tell him how he was voting against his own healthcare, his own safety as an Asian American, and his own economic interests to no avail.

Jack hasn’t had a job for decades. He has some savings from when he did work and from the sale of my mom’s home. His only income comes from collecting bottles and cans which he hoards until we make him redeem them for the deposit. I worried he would live like a hoarder if we left him in Eugene in my mom’s house, so my husband and I bought a house for him around the corner from us in Portland with my own inheritance. He has been living there for two decades.

I arranged for him to get on the Oregon Health Plan, now CareOregon. However much I remind him it is mostly Medicaid and other government funds, he won’t acknowledge that it is a program his political candidates want to cut. No matter how much I try to reason with him that he is voting against his own health and his own race, he does not listen. Jack would have no human contact if it wasn’t for my husband and me. His friends are Fox News and other alt-right media and he gets his viewpoints and misinformation (and a lot of anger and bitterness) from them.

After the election, I, along with nearly half of this country, was in mourning. I couldn’t believe we were back to where we were before the pandemic. For my own sanity, I have decided that my brother and I just can’t talk or comment on politics. I know a lot of people who are facing a holiday season with divided families. Arguing is pointless. People will believe what they want to believe. We are living in a surreal state of myth versus truth, and for a variety of reasons it has become increasingly difficult to sort through the morass of hate politics.

I’ve decided to try to keep peace not just with my brother but others with whom I have disagreements. Though we have opposing values, I don’t have the emotional energy anymore. I’ve made a conscious decision with Jack and others to try to show more compassion and grace this holiday season. I hope to maintain it for the next four years, if I can.

Rather than feed the fuel of hate, I want to hold onto hope that we will survive despite our own fears. I’ve dedicated much of my adult life with my art and media projects trying to make the world and my immediate community just a tad better. I want to continue to do that with my artforms and disciplines, even if it seems like an uphill struggle.

We all need to take care of our health and peace of mind right now. Perhaps we can someday listen to each other without judgement, anger, and screaming matches. We need some grace and much healing as a country, as a community, and as families. I hold onto hope. And I wish that for you.